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Stardate 1.16 crypts of Molchedom, whipped nameless Minion screaming:
Let me just get this quickly out of the way. Snow today, followed by whipping rain and cold. Frostbite and trench foot expected. Gruel lacking pork a faint carrot on the horizon. Suspicion, fear, loathing and hatred colored by feigned friendliness. Ipod electrocutes across earpieces, and brain is fried in process.
So, my fears have been realized. There is a greater plot afoot ("...where the hand of man has never set foot..."), greater than the MasterPlan of the trip, a hike from Munich to Provence. It involves demonic rituals, sacrifice, and pain. I know this to be true, for today, or was it yesterday ?, I sensed a hint of the underpinnings, the diabolical framework, the nightmare spoken backwards, that is to be my lot. See, my brother hikes in this large red poncho. I have described it before, in whimsical terms of glee at his inadequate clothing, but I now see it is a sign of his order. He is but one of many. Today, for the first time, many of his bretheren were out and about, a portent of great hiking evil. Due to the weather, everyone is wearing some sort of impervious protection, but today, a majority of encountered hikers had on red ponchos. Coinkydink? I think not.
They chant to one another as they pass, in a sub dialect I cannot unravel. A new coldness greater than any I have known, fills me with dread. Is it any wonder we recently stayed in a town called Schroecken ? I think that translates to Screaming or Scarey, or somesuch bad juju.
Today my pains reached new lows. I have developed a bilateral Morton's Neuroma. This manifests in the sensation of a small ember embedded in the foot, at the base of the second and third toes. Every step has an acorn in the shoe, which cannot be removed. A burning stinging sensation extends along the inner aspect of digits 2 & 3. One hobbles along, utilizing all manner of funny walks, to try to avoid pressure to this knot of pain, to no avail. When massaged, there is no palpable lump, which often leads others to believe you are lying about this process. You yourself cannot palpate it, leading to the suspicion of psychosomatic illlness. (Am I a pussy? Am I just trying to get out of this hike?) Sadly, both my brother and my girlfriend had acquired this entity upon last summer's trans-Anglic hike, and assured me I was not making it up. This is little solace. I had up till now thought myself immune to the petty physical failings of the flesh. I secretly reveled in the superiority of my
vastly superior body. I had no niggling aches and pains of foot failure, I was perfect! How far the mighty must fall... So now my plan is to acquiesce to the combined wisdom of my fellow hikers. They have found the application of orthopedic shoe implants a substantial intervention for pain mitigation. I will seek out this purveyor of pedis protection upon reaching the next vestige of civilization, this foot fixer, and have myself similar foot crutches constructed for future footing. I have never supported cosmetic plastic surgery, as it usually indicates insecurity and vanity, but perhaps I must change my tune, as I now too will get implants.
I have found the perfect food, to make pork pine, and veal vague.... deer! Tonight's gruel had lumps of deer meat in it, the most sublime of meats I have yet to encounter. In Europe, they actually raise these animals for consumption, a smart thing I must say. In the States, deer meat though delicious, is often very tough, no wonder given the spartan existence of these wily creatures. It is only in the farming and fattening of these beasts, that true culinary delectability is achieved. If you are ever in Austria, order anything from the menu with Reh in the title. You will not be disappointed. And for the vegetarians amongst us - try Pfifferlinge - a mushroom little available at home, but which has been brought here to a culinary peak unparalleled, especially in a cream sauce! Ein Guaten!
Sadly, all the rich food causes abdominal cramping and no sleep is obtained I will stick to pork from here on out.
